I never did any type of therapy, not that I didn’t believe in it, but because I wasn’t really comfortable with the idea.

2021 was different, my depression spiraled out of control.

Early in 2021, I was involved in a bad car accident. After coming to a stop in a traffic jam on a highway, I looked in the rearview mirror and saw that the car, which was driving at high speed, was not going to stop. As I relaxed my hands on the steering wheel, the car smashed into me. As the car came crashing through, a million questions filled my mind. The most relevant ones stayed with me…

• Why am I here?
• Why am I not happy?
• Am I living a good life?
• Did I marry right?
• Am I raising my kids correctly?
• What am I supposed to do?
• Why am I so scared?
• Am I working at the right job?

I was home for a few weeks afterwards. As time passed, I started diving into depression, and I could barely function. Working was hard, family life was hard, and breathing was fucking hard. I would wake up carrying a 10-ton boulder in my heart. Every hour, it was getting heavier and heavier. 

I started reading articles on depression, which turned into articles on psychedelic-assisted therapy. It turns out that the subject opened a whole new world of learning and curiosity that I haven’t felt in years. Started with 1 book on ayahuasca (The Healing Power of Ayahuasca by Marc McLean) and finished nearly 10 books on various subjects around psychedelic-assisted therapies.

• The Healing Power of Ayahuasca
• How to Change your Mind
• Psychedelic Medicine
• Changing Our Minds
• The Psychedelic Explorers Guide
• Scared Knowledge 
• This is your Mind on Plants
• LSD – Doorway to the Numinous
• Realms of the Human Unconscious
• The Antipodes of the Mind

In the middle of my third book, I decided I needed to give this a try. If psychedelics can help the terminally ill, PTSD and addiction, I know it could help me.

10 years in a session sounded really promising. 

It took me a long time to find a therapist that also specializes in psychedelic-assisted therapy, as it’s not that legal at the moment. I started going to weekly sessions where we talked (without psychedelics) about my life, work, family, my brother, my wife, and kids, and everything else that would come up. These sessions gave us a foundation. I got to know him slowly and felt comfortable talking to him. For some reason, there was always a blockage; I wasn’t able to put into words what I actually felt about a bunch of subjects until my MDMA session. 

A week before the session, I got a document with a diet and a list of things I should take into account before the session. And was told to think about my intention on what to talk about during that session.

I came in at around 16:00 to find a small pill in a bowl and a bell sitting next to it. Before the session started, we went over the rules and what might happen. To fend off dangerous spirits, I was “bathed” with burning sage. It was a little odd for me, but I was ready for change and open to anything that would help. I swallowed the pill and waited and meditated for around 30–40 minutes or so, and the therapist came back. We started talking a little more about intention and what types of issues I wanted to address.

One thing I was keen on addressing was the complicated relationship I have with my twin brother. I haven’t had the best relationship with my brother. We don’t talk much, and when we do, it’s pretty shallow. I’m never the one initiating the conversation, and I’m not that nice. For some reason, I’m always kind of mad at him. I was never really sure why.

During my session with MDMA I was able to see a different angle of our upbringing. As I’m conversing with my therapist, I’m able to go back and step into my brother’s shoes, seeing the world from his perspective. I felt how he felt when my parents and teachers didn’t trust him. He felt really frustrated that he was always pushed on to me. I realized that all these years, he was not the one I was actually mad at. I was pissed at my parents for pushing him on me all the time, but at the same time, I totally understand why they did it. I would probably do the same thing in their shoes. More importantly, after the session I realized that I was acting like a piece of shit and I needed to change. 

That realization transformed my whole relationship with my brother. I have spoken to him more than I ever have, with no hard feelings. It’s absolutely amazing. I thank my therapist, and more importantly, I thank MDMA, as it has helped me get past my problems. This was my first step into psychedelic therapy, and it helped immensely. It didn’t solve all my problems, but it did solve one that has been with me for years. 

A few weeks after my MDMA session, I still had this 10 ton weight on me. I asked my therapist if we could do a psilocybin session. I was fascinated and hopeful about what it could do. If MDMA could help me so immensely, then maybe psilocybin could get the weight off my chest.

I got another document with a diet and a list of things I should take into account before the session. This time I came in at around 13:00 to find a small batch of mushrooms in a bowl. 

After ingesting them, I laid back with my eyes closed, not really sure what happened. Time passed. I didn’t have the words speak to my therapist during the session. I remember going in and out of reality and having a lot of “a ha” moments. In which my therapist asked what they were and I didn’t have an answer. After the 8 hour session, I felt rejuvenated. I went home and went to sleep. 

The morning after I got up, to my astonishment, the 10 ton weight was completely gone, it vanished! I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t believe it. Days passed, and I still felt great! I spoke to my therapist a week later, and he was surprised as well. My difficulty breathing was gone. My bad feelings were gone.  And still to this day, I feel great.  

My past 2 years were difficult, to say the least, and transformative. I learned a lot about myself. and wouldn’t change it for the world.

Psychedelics helped me out of a VERY VERY bad place. MDMA and Psilocybin were the first medicines I took; they didn’t fix everything, but they made such a huge impact that they started me on a path of self-discovery. Ayahuasca and San Pedro truly changed the way I feel about myself. I will get into that experience in a different article.

The takeaway from my experiences is that psychedelic therapy helped me and maybe can help you. It’s not for everyone, but for the ones interested in learning more about themselves and the universe, it can definitely help. These medicines should be taken under professional supervision.

I created this website because I felt obligated to get the word out.

It’s best to learn as much as you can before taking anything.

I hope you find this website useful.